Father's Day without you

Yesterday was Father's Day.
The first one without you here.

Figures that would be the first holiday to come since you've been gone.

I went to the cemetery with Jesse early in the morning.
I brought you a rose & of course a scratch off :)

After that I went & hung out with Robert.
We went to Geno's & then did yard work together.
I know if you're looking down, you would be so happy that not only were we spending time together but I know you would be so happy to see us in the yard.

Everyone asked how I was, I got a lot of messages & they were all so kind & thoughtful.
But the thing is, everday for the last 3 weeks has sucked.
My pain is still so raw, so yesterday wasn't much different.

I think I go back & forth between denial & anger.
The sadness will never go away.

At first ( the first week maybe) I felt like I just hadn't seen you in a couple of days. But now, now it's starting to set in. I have never gone without talking to you or seeing you for THREE weeks !

I talk to you everyday & I know you are my angel now.
But I would do anything to have you here with us.
Healthy of course, happy, in the garden or sitting on the stoop.

Your absence is felt so strongly.
A part of my heart is gone - never to be repaired or replaced.
It's a part that belonged to you & always will.