As I posted yesterday, it has been one month since you have physically left this world.
I went to the cemetery yesterday with Erin. Only a best friend would give up her lunch hour to come and be with me.
We couldn't find "you" & I started to become frustrated & sad. I actually told you that I didn't have time for hide & go seek. And then I spotted your grave.
And then I proceeded to cry. Erin rubbed my back & spoke encouraging words, just comforting me as she's done these last 6 months.
As I said to Erin, This isn't where Im supposed to come to visit you.
I went not only because it was your 1st month away from us but also because I had to water the tomatoe & pepper plants that Robert planted for you.
Speaking of friends & people who have supported me, I am blessed.
From Danielle, who was there the night you passed. She actually came to the house before they "took you away". Poor girl didn't know what she was walking into but as always held herself together in her usual classy way.
Tracey, the last friend of mine you saw. You always liked her & I'll always remember how you teased her & told her if she was only a few years younger...lol.
Barbara,who sadly lost her own father to cancer just a few months before you lost your battle. She has been a good friend to me throughout the 13 years I've known her. She has expierenced many losses in her life but keeps on going, just like you did Dad.
Patti - although she isn't here in NY, she has always been only a phone call away. She will always listen & she reminds me of not only all the good times but also reminds me that I am strong & encourages me. She was the first one of "us" to expierence a major loss. The tragic loss of her brother. She knows the feeling of grief & how it physcially hurts.
Joanne, who would always text me when I wasn't at work to see how I was doing. Always checking in with me & always willing to listen or offer her support in any way she could.
Elaine, my supervisor who has been more then understanding. She has actually cried with me over the last few months. Im lucky to have a compassionate boss & I am so very grateful.
Aunt Bernadette - yes, my Aunt but also my friend. Even before we lost you she has been a huge source of support, love & encouragment.
Steve has also been very supportive & regardless of whatever we've been through, he was & is there for me during this journey. He has listened to me, held me when I just couldn't stop crying & has tried his hardest to understand. Not his fault that he really can't but he has tried.
And Keith. Keith has helped me more then he realizes. He has been a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen & has also encouraged me along the way as he still does today.
Sadly, Barbara, Keith & myself have all became a part of this "club". A club nobody wants to be a part of. The club of losing a parent. Besides the loss of a child, I believe losing a parent is one of the scariest things to go through. Your parents have known you your entire life, they made your world safe & when they are no longer here with us, our worlds are forever changed.
I am also blessed to work with people who truly care. Who showed up to not only pay their respects but also to show their support for me. Not everyone is lucky enough to work with such amazing people. Johna,Sandra,Krystal,Laurie,Cyndee & Kristin. All women who have shown a true concern for me & have always listened when I needed someone to vent to.
I will never forget the words that our director said to me at your wake.
He said "Liz, the changes I've seen in you over the last 5 years have been remarkable, I can only imagine how proud your father must have been".
So even though a part of me is gone, I am very very fortunate to be surrounded by loving, caring & supportive people.
I guess today will be a day of gratitude. Or at least right now it is, these days I can go from "ok" to a blubbering mess. I treasure moments like this. And I know that you would want me to count my blessings instead of wallowing in my grief.
You still continue to give me strength. And I know you always will.
No comments:
Post a Comment