Cancer steals another life

Just a little while ago, I found out about the passing of yet, another good man.
Doug Hollinsworth was the father to someone I considered a best friend for many years.
Although a decent amount of time has gone by since her & I have been close, my heart still hurts for her. For her mother, her brother & the rest of their family.

The God Damn Cancer strikes again !

It is truly heartbreaking & there are no words that can ever ease the heartache.

Of course when I hear of something like this, especially the loss of a father, I think of you Dad.
This kicks up a lot of different emotions.

The sadness, the loss, the pain, it all comes rushing back.

I wish them peace in this difficult time. I wish them comfort in knowing he is no longer suffering.
But to the person going through this awful time, none of those things can really help.

The loss of a parent is so great. They are the only people who have known you your whole life & love you uncondtionally. They stand by you & support you no matter what.
Well that's what good parents do. And Doug was an amazing father.

I know Kerry's heart is shattered right now. Her entire world turned upside down.

Just as I loved you will everything I had, I know Kerry loved her father just the same.

Here is a family who just a few short years ago, lost their daughter, Kerry & Alex's sister to a very untimely death.

Life just isn't fair.
I'm learning that quickly.

I pray for them.

And I miss you so very much Dad.

Doug was only 63 years old.
I had almost another 20 years with you.
I am grateful for that.

All 4 of us

Dear Dad,
Im writing this as if you can read it.
In 3 days it will be 3 months since you left this world.
It feels like only yesterday but also feels like a lifetime.
I miss you more with each day that passes & I know for a fact that all of your children, all 4 of us are really feeling your absence. For some reason, this week in particular.

Im going to get a new car today. And that's only possible because of a little help from you !
Why am I not surprised that even now, even today, you're STILL helping me?
Taking any money from what you left me, breaks my heart. I would give anything to have YOU rather then any money or any car.
But I know you would want me to be safe. I know you would want me in something reliable.
And we spoke about the car sitaution before you passed. You're words were "You're gonna need a car, you can "rent" them for cheap" ( what you meant was lease but I understood)

I have been having some crazy dreams lately. And you've been in most of them. Im not sure what they mean other then you are always on my mind.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to talk to you, to thank you for your help. I cannot believe how big your tomatoe plant has gotten and your pepper plant too.
I even took pictures & will upload them onto here later.

I love you Dad. And I miss you. SO So much !

Please continue to watch over us & guide us.

Until we meet again - you will always remain in my heart !
xoxoxoxoxo

One more time

There's nothing I wouldn't give to have one more conversation with you.
To see you one more time, to hear your voice in person, to just be in your company.

My heart hurts so bad.
I am trying my best to keep going forward.
Im trying my best to make you proud.

Words alone could never express this heartache.

It can be so overwhelming at times & I fear that as time goes on, it will only get worse.

I can't believe we're approaching 3 months without you.

It still feels like yesterday but also feels like so much longer. Im sure that would only make sense to someone that lost a person that they loved so much.

I try to find comfort in knowing that you are no longer suffering.
But that's not always easy.
Because I know some of us are left to suffer without you.

I hope I made you just as proud to call me your daughter as I was to call you my father.

I miss you so so much !

And I'd love to hear you say "I love you too kid" one more time.
I am however, very grateful that those were some of the last words we spoke to each other.

Always & Forever in my heart !!!!

Missing you Dad

It's Friday morning, Im sitting here at work thinking about you Dad.
I miss you so much - more with each day that passes.
People say "Time heals all wounds" - I call bullshit on that.

Yesterday, Nicole, Robert & I had dinner together. There's no doubt that you would have been so happy to know that.

Thank God for Robert.
He has been a HUGE source of comfort & support for me. No surpise, I know.
I'd just like to think that I have helped him in some sort of way as well.

I plan to go to the cemetery either today or tomorrow.
You would be so amazed at how well your tomatoe plant is doing there.
Who knows, maybe you CAN see it ?

I love you & miss you more then I could ever explain.