it's been awhile

It's been awhile since I've written.
And not because things have been quiet. Far from it actually.

You're 1 year of being gone is quickly approaching. I can't believe it's been one full year since I've seen you, spoken to you, or hugged you.
I can't believe how fast the time has gone and yet each day seems like so long.

Nicole & I are going to Florida for that day.
Just to get away & relax. We sure need it.
I know Dad, "don't lay in the sun, you'll fry like a piece of bacon".
"Keep an eye on each other".
I know exactly what you would say & I treasure that. It truly is a gift.

Sadly on May 1, 2015, I lost a friend who was like a brother.
You remember Brian.
He loved you. He looked up to you & would often tell me that you were his hero.
He would text me during the cardinal games & would often check in on me after you passed away.
I know if you were still here & I told you of this, you would say "that's too damn young". Especially knowing that he left behind 2 small children.

Please continue to be my angel.
I miss you more with each passing day.

Until we meet again Dad, my friend, my rock - I LOVE YOU !

9 Months !!!!

9 Long Months !

That's how long it's been since I've seen you, talked to you, held your hand or heard your voice.

People say "time heals all wounds", well, I think that's bullshit.

When you love someone as much as I loved you, 9 months is a long fuckin time & it only makes my heart hurt even more.

I've tried to do my best of "moving on", "moving forward", making you proud.
Maybe I have at times but I know for sure I've had my share of set backs.

A lot has happened in these past 9 months.
Some things I just can't write on here because not everyone knows.

But I know that YOU know !
You guided me, gave me strength & gave me hope.

I have been scared, I have been down right terrified but I had to hold it all in.

I wonder how much longer til I get to see you again.
Im not rushing my life away. Im sure I have some pretty wonderful things in store but God Damn it Dad, I can't take it.

Words cant even begin to express the depth of my pain.

I know you're still protecting me

Hi Dad,
God I miss you so much.
But I wanted to thank you.
There is no doubt in my mind that you are still looking out for me. I have proof & I am beyond grateful.
I can't & I won't write about specifics, it's personal & not something I wish to share with anyone.
But I know you heard my prayers, my pleas for help, my desperation.
And I know between you & God, you took control.


I love you just as much today as when you were still here with us.
In fact, I may love you even more.
As "they" say "absence makes the heart grow fonder".


I love you Dad - so so much

A New Year.

Well Dad, here it is, 2015.

No doubt that 2014 was the hardest one I've ever faced but there is something bittersweet about beginning this new year. You will never know one single thing that has or will happened.
That makes me sad.
I know you're watching down on us & maybe, just maybe you really can see what's going on. I sure hope so.

Christmas was VERY hard without you.
Nicole & I went to Roberts & the 3 of us went to the cemtery.
I got so upset as did Nik.
It was her first time being there since the day of your funeral.

After that Robert & I went to the jewish deli & I had a pastrami sandwich.
Not your typical Christmas but then again, there was no way it could be without you here.

So here is it, a new year.
A chance to make new memories, a chance to "start over".

Please Please Please continue to give me strength.
Please continue to bless our family.

We need a good year.
One of happiness & good health.

I love you & miss you more then anything in this world