Words nobody ever wants hear.

On Monday night, January 6, 2014, my sister Ellen called me.
I was watching my shows & didn't want to answer, but I did.
She had spoken to the oncologist.
The Dr told my sister that my father is in the "final stages".
She wouldnt be surprised if the cancer was now in his lymph nodes. She said surgery is not an option & that radiation would not pro long his life.
He has what is called "Sister Mary Joseph nodule".
Ellen asked her about a time frame. To which she said she could not give & that we would know more after his tests.

Hearing the words "final" broke my heart.
I don't think I've ever been so scared in all my life.
I am terrified.
My world has been safe because my father has been in it.
I just cannot imagine a life without him.

I broke the news to Nicole and as I expected, she lost it.
She has shared a very special relationship with my Dad.
In a sense he was like a father figure to her too.

This is all so surreal.
I feel like Im watching this all happen.
I am trying my hardest to be strong, to be level headed, to be the woman my father would be proud of.
But I am broken.
I am like a scared little girl who just wants her Daddy to make it all better.

He goes for the cat scan tomorrow.
The Dr will have those results within in a few days.
I don't know how much more time he has left here. It will never be enough anyway.

I think going forward all I can do is spend time with him, tell him how much I love him & pray that he is just as proud to call me his daughter as I am to call him my father.