Grateful for the memories

Im not really sure where to start other then to say, I have been thiking about you A LOT lately.

There are some things going on in my life & even Nicole's that I wish I could share with you.
I'd love to hear what you'd say all though, knowing you as well as I did, Im pretty sure I could come up with the answers.

Nik got a new job that she started yesterday. She is working at a puppy store right in Bellmore.
Now I know you would be so happy it's in Bellmore as she wouldn't be "driving all over the god damn place". And you would also say "lets see how long she holds onto this one". "That kid has had more damn jobs then anyone I know" would prob be added to that.
I laugh as I write that because what a gift it truly is to have known you SO well, that I could still hear what your responses would be.

I have a few changes going on in my own life. Nothing that I want to write about publically just yet but I know you would be happy.
I know you would agree & I know you would be proud.
That alone, makes me feel good.

Just please continue to bless me with the feeling of your presence.
Please continue to guide me & give me the strength that I need to live this life without you.

I was talking to Janet yesterady ( my therapist) & I told her that I was afraid I was going to forget you.
THAT makes me cry just typing that.
It's just that one person in particular doesn't want to hear about you "all the time". Another person told me not to go to the cemetery as often as I do & someone else told me to stop posting pics of you.

It's as if to them, when someone dies, they are just completetly gone.
That will NEVER be the case with us Dad.
And I know I could never really ever forget you.
I think Im just afraid of forgetting your voice - which makes no sense considering all the video's I have ( thanks to Robert) or just forgetting all the memories we shared.

With the holidays quickly approaching, Im feeling very anxious.
I just want to skip them all together but I know I can't do that to Nicole.

I will always make sure Robert is not alone. Even if that means it's just him & I celebrating.
"Celebrating" - how can we possibly celebrate anything this first year without you?
Nothing will ever be the same.
And I know you would tell me "Nothing lasts forever".
I just wish you were still here with us. Because this "new" life without you, hurts like hell.