Well I should start by saying I "jumped the gun" with my last post. The cardinals didn't make it to the World Series. I truly thought they were going to win Dad.
I haven't written in a little while because I had no access on my computer. But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about you or wanted to write.
I'm posting this by using my phone. I hope it works.
I had a rough day last Thursday. When people say grief comes in waves they sure weren't kidding.
I was supposed to go to the bereavement group but decided I'm not going to attend that anymore. It's been very choppy, cancelled a couple of times & I just don't feel like any bonds are being formed.
I will stick with my regular therapist. She is amazing.
I miss you so much Dad.
I can't even begin to describe it. There truly are no words that could ever really express the depths of this grief.
Your name was put on your grave. I know that's where your physical body lays but just seeing it, made it real all over again.
Robert was there when the guy did it. I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised by that. I wasn't. He was always there for you. Had it not been so early in the morning I would have went to but you know me Dad, I love my sleep. I did go later in the afternoon & I have to say, it came out nice.
There are so many things approaching that you should be here for. Nicole's 20th birthday, Thanksgiving, your birthday, Christmas.
I hate that the 6 month mark without you falls on Nicole's birthday.
I will try my hardest not to think about it too much. As I know you wouldn't want me to be sad on such a special day.
As always, please continue to guide me, please visit in my dreams.
You are & always will be in my heart.
Until we meet again - I love you Dad.
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